Miscarriage Lessons and Advice
I have no real wisdom or insight into your situation. It was hard for us, but other people have it much worse. I am blessed to have an understanding and sensitive family in all this. Sara really leaned on her family who were all there like rescuers all banding together to catch her.
As a guy though, there are some definite do’s and dont’s that I think will help you recover and get back to normal.
- Realize miscarriages are very common
Realize that one in eight pregnancies end in miscarriage. Many women don’t realize this is happening. Our doctor told us that having one miscarriage makes it more likely you will have future miscarriages, but not too much more likely. It does not generally affect future pregnancy outcomes. Unless the pregnant lady in her life is being very irresponsible (like smoking, abusing drugs or alcohol, or doing something else crazy) there’s nothing either of you could have done or not done to stop this from happening.
- Don’t be a jerk.
Try to be understanding and sensitive to her needs. She may not be that upset, or she may feel like she has lost a full-term baby. Just go with the flow, ask her what (if anything) you can do, and just be patient. If she’s still depressed after several weeks, it might be a good idea to consult a counselor, but most women just need time. This means she might not be her old self for a while. Try to pick up the slack if you can. This sounds sort of stupid, but I suggested we plant a tree to commemorate the miscarriage. I don’t know if we’ll end up doing that, but Sara was receptive to it initially. - You may also feel loss/disappointment/sadness
This is a normal reaction. Try to talk about it with someone if you can. - Try again
When the doctor says it is okay to try again if you both feel like it, go for it. A successful pregnancy has gone a long way toward easing the pain of a miscarriage for us. - Tell her nice genuine things.
Just generally try to be sincerely nice. This is a crappy thing and being negative is about the worst thing you can do right now.
